Alexa, Play Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill
Dear Emotionally Unavailable Man:
How dare you walk into my life, disturb my peace and leave unscathed? Do you even realize when you’re leading someone on, love-bombing her, only to then reveal your true intentions as not really interested? Does it feed your ego or make you feel good? How dare you approach me with your stupid game of trying to make me fall for you only because you have a point to prove to yourself? Were you neglected as a child? Do you have some unresolved childhood attachment issues? Who hurt you? Are you so deeply afraid of loving someone that you’d rather leave before getting serious? Well, as much as I would love to know where this source of trauma comes from, I am not your therapist or your emotional punching bag.
Sometimes I have to ask myself, what is it about me that would attract you, an emotionally unavailable man? I was blindsided by your initial kindness, attention to detail, and compliments. You succeeded in your mission because I got attached. Once I opened up about my feelings, it was like an on/off switch. You completely changed right before my eyes. I immediately thought it was about me and made it a task to try and get into your head and figure out why your energy shifted. It became a game of proving my self-worth to you. But it was never about me. I feel bad for you because you are unable to walk this world as your “true”, safe self. You have to hide out of fear, out of insecurity. I have learned to not attach my worth to what I am offered. I have decided to walk away instead of waiting for you to feel like I’m worthy of you opening up to me.
Dear emotionally unavailable men, Bob Marley once said: “The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman’s love with no intention of loving her.” It’s okay if you are temporarily or chronically emotionally distant. Maybe stop dating for a while till you figure it out. At the very least, you should clearly communicate your intentions as you navigate your state. After all, emotional unavailability can happen to anyone, but others shouldn’t suffer because of it. Seek therapy, healing resources, support from family or friends who display healthy emotional intelligence, be transparent about where you stand, and be open to practicing healthy emotional expression through music, art, journaling, and more.
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